Tom Cruise as an eyepatch wearing Nazi spearheading an assassination attempt on Hitler? Such is the premise of Valkyrie, the Christmas-day-released film based on the story of Colonel Claus Von Stauffenberg, a German officer in Hitler's regime that mounts one of many (spoiler alert if you flunked out of public school!) failed attempts on the life of the evil mustached mastermind. "That's all kinds of awesome!" you may be thinking as you ready your throwing cash to pelt your nearest movie theatre with, but not so fast my fickle friend. Let's take a moment to read this review, shall we, before throwing away your hard-earned marks.
Visually it's a remarkable film; directed by Bryan Singer from X-Men and Superman Returns fame, the movie carries his signature polish and superhero shine, utilizing a grit-free cinematic landscape vibrant with activity and color that revivifies the romantic distinctions of the period. It's obvious within the first half-hour that the strength of the film lies in its plumage; the movie manages to straddle that fine line between realistic depiction and fantastic interpretation with its crisp uniforms and dwarfing sets that typifies imagery we might associate with a greater film. Whoever did wardrobe and set design for the film deserves one of those Oscars that don't get shown on T.V. for drawing the audience so near to the feeling of an epic movie, and lending a hand in coating the blemishes of a slowly paced narrative that takes damn nigh an hour to lift off.
The idea grabs you right away, but the problem lies in the tension; as stated before, we all know how this little story concludes, and it would take one hell of a twist to make moviegoers feel like they didn't just waste two gallons of gas money on a film that recants a well-worn history lesson. But that twist never comes, despite the actors doing their best to fill in the pacing with a strong supporting cast that makes the best of what they were given. The story lulled for the first half; most of the time was spent exchanging heavy ominous dialogue that demolishes my attention span. Background story and development seems like filler for the fulcrum of the otherwise engaging premise.
As vital as character development is in any story, it's only worth the investment if at the end of the film people actually care about the fates of those involved, and unfortunately for Valkyrie little to no attachment was culminated from the extensive purchase of time spent in the former portion of this film. Surface motivations and convenient plot devices numbed the passionate discharge of the cast's performance who trudged on admirably, slamming fists on desks and shaking their heads sadly with the weight of their conspiring.
You may be wondering about the star of our play. I know it's fashionable to crap all over Tom Cruise right now, but he did an acceptable job. If anything, his trademark robotic passion keyed well with his character. Any emotion that did manage to creep from his well-guarded singular style we see portrayed in every film he headlines conveyed a sense of tumultuous restraint which fit the character's motivations well enough.
A glimmer of hope remained as the film really begins to take flight, when the wheels of their plotting begins to build momentum, pressure begins to fill the vacancies of tired threats and staring contests between characters and I actually found myself leaning forward for the last third of the film, a sure sign of interest according to all laws of body language. But alas, it was too late, the final thrust of impetus was not enough to drive the movie over the hill of mediocrity, and it rolled it's sad little frame into a final conclusion toward the junkyard of "meh"-city, population this movie.
I would have been happy to relegate this film to the annals of 'movies I would watch again if someone else rented it', if it weren't for one grating flaw. Being a period piece, certain stylistic elements must be in place to nurture the biosphere in which relevant characters and story developments are grown. Although I don't fall prey to the trappings of unrealistic expectations (nothing is ever going to be like the book), there are a few minor pitfalls every movie set in the somewhat to very distant past seem to blunder into. So let's go down the checklist and see if Valkyrie hits the mark. Get it? Mark? I love currency jokes, it's an illness.
Rule one of bad period films: everyone must speak in an English accent. I didn't really start to notice this until about a decade ago; I think English is default for unimaginative dramatists trying to sound aristocratic and commanding. I can understand Troy's cast talking like they just wandered off of the set of a Jane Austen film, ancient Greek conversational idiosyncrasies are probably a little harder to pull down, but German? Every elementary school kid with an affluence for attention whoring knows how to spit out a decent barking schnitzel-speak without falling back on the elegance of our fair cousin's dialect. It wouldn't have been so bad if a few of them had just made up their minds and picked a single inaccurate accent to imitate, but I swear I heard Irish and some Russian in there too. Ok I only thought of one rule so far but they still didn't pass. Check! You fail, Valkyrie. I give you 2 Nazi Nick Fury's out of 5.
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